+PROLOGUE+ Julian's Wish

****Prologue****
"Ugh, it's cold outside." I pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands and shoved them in my pockets. "Julian, I wanna go home."

"It's ok it's ok." My twin brother Julian reassured me. "Shh, don't be so whiny. No wonder I'm the older one between the two of us. I have to take care of you." He then put his arms around me and kept them there for a few moments. His arms just hung there on my shoulders for a few moments, languidly, unsure of what to do. Then he removed them. "Feeling better now?"

"Y-Yes...." I replied, blushing. "Though you make me feel like I'm a child or something."

"You are a child." Julian replied, smiling at me, his smile one of kindness and patience.

I blushed. Somehow I wished that I could have the same kind of patience as my brother did.  Or the kindness. Anything that could make me just as great as he was.

"Hey, Lukas!" I waved my arm in the air to signal my older brother. He was going to pick us up from our school gathering, since our father couldn't pick us up himself.

"Yo~!" Lukas shouted cheerily and unlocked the doors for us. We both climbed in, Julian to the right of the backseat, and I on the left.

"Howzzit goin'?" Lukas asked us. "Y'all ready to partay~?"

"Are you drunk?" I asked, getting ready to kick the back of his seat, seeing as I was on the correct side to do it on. "Idiot, you know you can't drink and drive."

"I-I'm not drunk!" Lukas retorted. "I'm DRANK!"

"The hell did you do to yourself, you dick?" I prodded the back of his seat with my sneaker. "Did you go party?"

"Yeah, and it was awesome. You guys have lots of stuff to look forward to, come high school." Lukas leaned back a bit in his seat and moaned. "OH MAN I AM SO WASTED."

"Lukas, please look on the road." Julian's tone seemed to foreshadow a warning. It wasn't a panicking tone of anything, but a more steady, serious tone. If I were him, I'd be scared.

"Julian's right. Lukas, pull over before you do anything stupid."

"Alright." My older brother complied. He turned the wheel, readying himself as about to turn on the road to try and find parking once it turned green.

"Lukas, don't--" Julian started, noticing that he was about to place his foot on the accelerator rather than the brake.

The car surged forward and at that moment everything was blurry. I remember screaming out in fear and Julian holding tightly onto me. Then I felt something hard and heard shattering. Everything after that was black.

I woke up, seeing people amongst us, and hearing sirens. I was immediately swarmed with questions, I don't remember what they were. Then I looked over at the car, and immediately knew we had crashed. I felt the side of my head, around my temples, as it felt numb. My fingers brought back a bloody response. I then reached up a little more and felt glass.

I then looked over at where the sirens were coming from, their endless wails crying out for help. That's when I saw Lukas being loaded into the ambulance, and right after him, Julian.

"NO!!" I had screamed, apparently trying to run after him but my vision was blurred and all over the place. I had to be held down and brought to the hospital as well. I was the only concious one out of the three of us, but I wasn't exactly the most stable at the moment.

After I did get treated I remember my Dad fuming at me and hitting me against the side of my head, telling me I was a stupid kid and that he loved me. He also told me to call him next time so he wouldn't be so worried. I hadn't thought to use Lukas' cell, as he was kinda wasted and my main priority at the time was letting him know it.

The week after that was a hectic one to say the least. Police kept questioning me since my brothers' had yet to be released from the hospital.

"How in the world did he mistake the accelerator for the brakes?" One such officer had questioned me one foggy morning.

"He...was drunk." I said, trembling quietly inside. I didn't want my older brother to get in trouble, but this was the police. I'm not usually one to disrespect authority.

"Ah, I see." He had replied. "Tell me, how old is this Lukas fellow?"

"He's si-sixteen." I replied.

The officer didn't reply. All he did was write this down and kept silent. Then he told me our questioning was done and thanked me for my help.

I was scared. Had I said the wrong thing?

When my brother Lukas was released from the hospital my father had hugged him so tight, and then told him to go to hell. I remember questions being asked, questions like, "Why the hell didn't you call me, you idiot?" and "What were you doing at a party in the first place?" and "Getting SMASHED? ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

Lukas had pretty much said every sorry he could, and pretty much asked for forgivness every chance he got, but my father only responded, "Ask the law that, not me."

The law? I got scared hearing those words. I wanted Julian to comfort me. But he was still in the hospital. I begged Dad to let me see him every hour of every day. All he kept saying was, "Now they won't even let me see him, son. What does that tell you?"

So I was devastated. Even though I know my atheist father would have disapproved, I prayed everyday for my brother being set free from the hospital, by all means possible. That boy was my rock, my hero, my life.

Then a couple of days before my brother's court hearing, my father received a call. Even though it was 5 AM on a weekday.

After that I got shoved into his car and prayed the whole way to the hospital. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe anything.

My father had basically speeded his whole way to the hospital and ran through the parking lot, fled up the stairs because he couldn't wait for the elevator, and dashed down the hallways, pulling me behind.

"Is this about Julian, Daddy?"

"What do you think?"

His voice was so harsh. I felt tears spring to my eyes at that moment, but I wouldn't let them fall. I could still hope. In fact, that was all I was doing.

When Dad brought me to Julian's room, a doctor was waiting for us. Father shooed me out of the room for a second while the doctor informed us of the situation. I saw their silhouettes through the curtains. Dad seemed as if he was about to retort back or something, but instead bowed his head. I didn't know what to think.

When Daddy came around, I looked up at him expectantly, seeing his eyes and all the pain that was held in them. He then bent down at my level and told me to say goodbye to Julian.

I didn't want to ask why. I knew why. I didn't want to know but I knew. And at that moment I had suddenly realized that my ignorance was bliss. The week would have been much more painful altogether if I had known of this, but all the pain that could have been spanned over a week's time was being dumped on me now. And it was unbearable.

I came in and saw my brother, all the horrifying sights of hospital rooms and deathbed scenes from TV shows being played live for me. I stepped forward slowly, and looked at him.

"I love you." I had whispered quietly, kissing his forehead, fighting my tears. "Bye."

I then ran back to Daddy and held onto him, watching Julian being taken off life support from a distance and hearing the rapid beeps turn into slowing ones, slower and slower until they all grouped together and looped into one continous long drone of a beep.

This wasn't the way I wanted him to be freed.

I should have burst into tears. I should have cried my heart out. But instead I couldn't. And I had no idea why. So I just stood there with Dad and watched my brother, staring at him, trying to ask him what was wrong with me with my eyes, only to be reminded with the scene that had just played out in front of me and then remembering that he wouldn't answer. And he would never answer again.

After that the whole day was bland and blah. I don't remember it being eventful after that, just trying to get by and watching the sky turn different shades of gray. It seemed like something that would happen in a movie, except it wasn't raining. Probably changing the long overused weather to accompany my more unusal reactions to this whole death scene.

When I returned home with Father after visiting all Julian's favorite places and the park, I saw my brother sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, silently, inwardly groaning.

I looked at him. He knew what happened. Apparently Dad had set up Skype and filled my brother in, so he had heard the whole thing.

I then looked up at my Father. He looked down at me for a moment, and then at my brother.

"I sure hope you have a good reason."

Then he left and went into his room to watch some TV.

I just stood in the living room and watched Lukas. I heard my father's words replaying over and over again in my head.

And then I felt this weird feeling. It felt like anger.

I didn't like it, so I left the room. But it just kept building up. So I went to my room and played some video games.

That settled it a bit.